I misread a story by Sarah Kaplan today

It was a story about Neanderthals. It originally appeared in The Washington Post, but I saw it in The Oregonadian/OregonadiaLive, an Advance Publication for mass click debaters. The story nestled among other unrelated journalistic gems from stiff and wired reports about the Border Patrol no longer being able to perform background checks on new hires because of funding cuts and the need to hire thousands more agents to kill or capture Mexicans under President* Donnie Dimwit’s hingeless immigration policies. Another AP story discussed the Day Without Women protests that made Donnie’s pussy-grabbing hands itch, and the page was rounded out with a story on an ISIS attack on a hospital in Afghanistan and a Dear Abby column about “parental alienation.” The only things missing were ads for incontinence diapers, edible crotchless underwear, and great new investment opportunities.

The headline chosen for Sarah’s story was 

Neanderthal teeth show diet based on locale 

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