Illegalese


DISCLAIMERS AND TERMINAL DISSERVICE

Life is short

Attention spans are shorter. Just when you thought you learned something from history, you realize you’re talking to yourself again and everyone in the nation of miserable fucks (NOMF™) is listening to old Joni Mitchell records and looking at your telephone logs and financial records. Your buttocks are really in deep rich compost now, and there’s nothing this site can do for you. You have yourself become history that you have not learned and cannot learn from. That’s the American Way! Congratulations! Mass debate or masturbate: the choice is yours. It can never matter, speaking in a binary sense. Fortunately, the universe is not a binary construct. Yes, fortunately, but not for you, asswipe.

Copyright and Trademarks

Ligi, Cognitive Dissident, Uncommon Sense, NOMF, the Uncommon Sense logo, the Sphincter Control logo, and the YU Airship are trademarks or registered trademarks of Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates in the NOMF, the coalition of the willing, the terrestrial liberated freedomocracies who are with us, the scumsucking coldblooded murdering evil ones who oppose us (whoever we are), occupied territories who are caught in the middle, and imaginary poopadoodle strongholds like Texas and Deathstars throughout the imaginary universe. All content on this site is protected against being ripped off by inflamed polyps and those whose spastic colons house them, unless otherwise noted. Users are prohibited from modifying, injecting, copying, inhaling, distributing, ingesting, excreting, transmitting, displaying, publishing, selling, licensing, creating derivative works from or using any content on this site for private or commercial purposes without first agreeing to send us their genitals. No substitutes.

Privacy Statement
Cognitive Dissident does not knowingly violate the privacy of visitors to this Web site. We cannot guarantee, however, that the NOMF, with the complete obsequious complicity of utility companies, law enforcement agencies, your family, friends, neighbors, and other thoroughly despicable entities protected by the rule of law are not already following every move you make and computer modeling imaginary scenarios to convince some antiactivist judge to issue whatever paperwork is required to decide which interrogation center to ship your sorry buttocks to protect the sorry buttocks of the NOMF and have you thank them for it. 

Cognitive Dissident only collects virtual DNA when you visit, for the express purpose of creating imaginary organs to keep your imaginary body alive in the event you suffer an imaginary culture of life moment while visiting here and have to be placed on imaginary life support which is a little like getting Frist-tucked in for a good nighty-night. The only cookies you may encounter on Cognitive Dissident are more commonly referred to as brownies and are fashioned from a classic recipe stolen from Alice B. Toklas. Please share.

Security Statement
Security is horse exhaust. Everyone knows that. If you trust anyone, you are in for a big let down. In addition to being short, life is boring. If you are looking for boredom and horse exhaust, please seek the truth within yourself. Don’t bother me with your problems. I have a war to wage to protect reality from people like me.

DISCLAIMER
Thinking for yourself and seeking out alternative sources of information upon which to base your imaginary lifestyle is a risky activity, which can sometimes lead to enemy combatant status requiring lengthy interrogation sessions at Guantanamo Bay or one of several dozen secret detention facilities run by the U.S. government and paid for happily by taxpayers in the NOMF. Cognitive Dissident isn't stupid or brave enough to take responsibility for any injury or death you might experience as a result of basing your actions upon opinions you arrive at after having visited this site. Just because you have made it this far, doesn’t mean the journey has any connection to the destination, which, as we all know, is the grave. I made it this far, and I’ve never meant to go anywhere or join any club, and I don’t believe anything. What’s your problem?

Use of the Comments
Say whatever you want. I do. Freedom of speech belongs to people with the cojones to call A. J. Leibling a worthless gasbag, even if he is dead. Being dead does not exempt gasbags from worthlessness or abuse. Opinions belong to everyone. I’ve had so many I no longer agree with that I can’t very well condemn you from expressing lunatic views of your own. Of course, if Speedo Gonzalez comes looking for some douchebag who suggests implanting a thermonukular device in the current First Idiot’s tookus during the next annual rectal expedition, well, you are on your own. If you are abusive, obscene, vulgar, slanderous, hateful, threatening, sexually-oriented or like any other material that may violate the rule of law, good for you. That’s what heroes do!

LAWS AND REGULATIONS
This Site views all applicable federal, state and local laws and regulations as beneath its contempt.

ALL INFORMATION ON THE SITE IS PROVIDED TO YOU "AS IS" WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, TITLE, NON-INFRINGEMENT, SECURITY OR ACCURACY. PATAPHYSICS IS THE SCIENCE OF IMAGINARY SOLUTIONS. THIS IS NOT A SITE DEVOTED TO THE ONE MINUTE METHOD. IF YOU PREFER TO READ HORSE EXHAUST BASED ON WISHES, GLADHANDS, AND RETALIATIONS, SPEND MORE TIME AT WHITEHOUSE.GOV OR ALFRANKENWEB.COM.

LIMITATION OF LIABILITY
Cognitive Dissident specifically disclaims any liability (whether based on full contact debate, tart on tart lick sister action, strict liability or acts of a willfully awful God) for any direct, indirect, incidental, consequential, or isn’t that special damages arising out of or in any way connected with access to or use of Cognitive Dissident, including liability associated with any viruses which may infect your computer equipment. Practice safe hex. Use virtual condoms. 

LINKED INTERNET SITES
Cognitive Dissident is not responsible for the content available on any other Internet you might end up on by clicking a link on this site or using the Google search function. Blame God for anything bad that happens on the Internet. I do. If you can’t blame God for the Internet, who can you blame? Al Gore? Hell, he’s already the cause of global warming and the collapse of the Democratic party. Even he admits the Internet comment was a joke. Give the big guy a break.

CHANGES TO THE RULES AND CONSQUENCES
Cognitive Dissident reserves the right to revise whatever it wants at any time and users better be ready to heave to or suffer the consequences. Consider yourself warned and make sure you know where your buttocks are whenever I need to smack them.

VIOLATIONS OF THE RULES 

Cognitive Dissident encourages defiance of the rules. Rules are not merely made to be broken. They are made to be mocked.

 

©1946-2017 Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates, in conjunction with The Portland Physical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat and The Church of the Oven of Peace.
Providing Imaginary Cures For Your Imaginary Problems Since 1896. Accept No Substitutes.