There was this thing called Today.com

And between late summer 2008 and late May 2009, I produced a blog for them called Dr. Faustroll Writes the Wrongs, which I later moved to Mac.com, until Apple shut down blog hosting and switched to cloud storage. 

Today was an annoying click-troll site that paid bloggers based on page views with individual bloggers grouped by subject matter, such as mommy-blogging, asshole-blogging, scumbag-blogging, dipshit-blogging, political-blogging, money-making-blogging, craft-blogging, and whatever other boring topic of interest to the nation of miserable fucks.

I can’t remember what category I choose to be included under, not that it mattered. 

Blogging with Today.com was like running a printing press at UNC, Chapel Hill (“A pat of butter bobbing in a sea of grits”) where the bossman believed the way to motivate underpaid employees was to pit them against each other with an Employee of the Month certificate displayed behind glass just inside the employee entrance, because that’s the American Way! 

Whenever I encounter a particularly obnoxious crowd control method (and lord knows it is hard to avoid mindfucks and buttreams in the increasing Great Again America of ours), I like to diddle with it and make it so uncomfortable and embarrassing to maintain the illusion of importance and value until the offending carrot or stick approach is retired while management gathers at a retreat to develop a new and even more degrading reward system for the proles.

While writing for Today, I discovered that I could generate large numbers of page views by blogging about how insignificant my penis was. In fact, once I settled on my insignificant penis as a recurring theme for Dr. Faustroll, as he wrote the wrongs, my blog quickly rose up the list of most visited sites, which, of course, got me fired. 

I like being fired. It reinforces my conviction that I don’t really belong anywhere, because I don’t believe in anything or anyone, and I don’t particularly people, except to fuck with, as Hungry Chuck Bukowski liked to say.

I mention this because I recently came across a trove of Today.com material that I had completely forgotten about. Going forward, Today will resurrect that #alt_juvenile material.

Enjoy.

Providing Imaginary Cures For Your Imaginary Ailments Since 1896. © Elio Emiliano Ligi 1946-2017. Oil Rights Reserved. Accept no substitutes.