Cognitive Dissent

A Little Moronism

I don’t know why but whenever I think about the great American political system and how it has been continually spiraling into irrelevance since the late 60s, I start trying to remember exactly how the little moron joke goes. 

It was a joke I first heard while I was still in elementary school, and it seemed like everybody told a version of the little moron joke. It was funny as hell, in the beginning. It got to where all somebody had to do was start with, “Well, there were these two morons, and …” and everybody within half a block would start laughing and slapping each other and gasping for breath.

The first couple of thousand times the little moron was the funniest joke between Steinway and 42nd, from 21st to Astoria Blvd, and I don’t know when it happened precisely but it just disappeared, replaced by race jokes, elephant jokes, novelty music, sex jokes, and jokes about scumbags.

And it turns out whenever I try to remember the little moron joke, I only arrive at a variety of punchlines:

  • Come on, you kidding me? He’s a little moron.
  • Because he’s a little moron.
  • It’s obvious, Sherlock. He’s a little moron.
  • What can I say? I’m a little moron.

and I know how it all begins with the two morons, but what goes on to set up the punchline is a complete hole in my memory, my personal history, my specific part in the story of humorous life, I don’t have a clue. It’s a total blank.

But I find it encouraging that sometimes I still find myself laughing for no reason and only then slowly discovering that I was thinking about the little moron, and trying to remember how the story goes.

Demilitarizing Amerika

The day after Dysauguration Day, 2017, all of the so-called illegal voters who deprived King Ubu II of the Untied States of Hysteria the popular vote he so desperately longs for were joined by hundreds of thousands of potential illegal voters around the world to protest his installation as a toxic shock trigger who was not (allegedly) a defective IUD. 

Unlike the protests on the previous day that resulted in injuries and arrests across the USA, the Take Back Our Pussies marches against scumbags, dipshits, ignoroids, and base Repugnicunts, the events of January 21, 2017 were surprisingly peaceful, according to fake news reports from the usual fake news outlets in the liberal media. You know, ABC, CBS, CNN, NBC, NPR, the New York Times, the Washington Post, and most of the so-called legitimate press.

If we were to believe non-Trumpanista reportage, joyously outraged citizens of the Earth gave President* Trump and his entourage a chorus of boos, a reading of civil rights, and a collective Rockefeller salute that could be seen on the International Space Station. 

Without violence? Without mass arrests? Without property damage?

How could this happen in modern America where many citizens are routinely shot and killed by police officers simply for being black or anarchic or afraid or obnoxious? 

There were only two answers I could think of in America’s obsessively binary reality construct. Either the news was totally fake, or the cops actually acted like police officers who are sworn to preserve and protect the safety of citizens. 

Trump and his fellow assholes went with fake news. They always do. Fuck them.

During the inauguration day protest of the elevation of a confessed sexual predator to the highest office in the land, this image from KOIN 6 news in Portland shows the friendly face the community police state put on to meet what they apparently assumed would be a throng of heavily armed ISIS fighters.

These cops were surprised when 98% of the protestors laughed at them while a handful of right and left wing extremists nutjobs broke shit and set it on fire. The goddamn protestors even threw shit at the police. Lawdy me.

The following day, photos from protests around the country showed an entirely different face for our law enforcement officers, public servants all, including these guys in front of the Portland building.

It would be nice to think that maybe everyone learned something from the contrasts between January 20 and 21. If you show up dressed to wage war against your own citizens, you should expect to be perceived as an enemy. If you want to protect and preserve the peace, leave the body armor and batons back at the office.

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