Back when Rick Perry was just learning

What he was learning, I have no idea. The current Rick Perry looks and sounds a lot like this one from nearly two decades ago.

Bush Successor Rejects Protection for Intellectual Losers 

DALLAS (YU) – Gov. Martin “Ricky” Perry of Texas left church early on Sunday to veto legislation that would have banned the execution of the mentally disabled by means of castration. The governor said there were already too many laws designed to protect retards in capital cases, and that the only idiots he saw connected with capital punishment in his state were “the bleeding heart jerks with their signs outside the prisons.” 

That position pretty much summed up what President Goober W. Bush said before he left to be mooned in Europe last week: epileptics, waterheads, and other losers should never be put down like egg-sucking dogs no matter what their political leanings, and the court system protects against the innocent slaughter of such undesirable elements of society. 

Perry's decision, made with the aftertaste of the Eucharist still lingering on his unflappable tongue, will no doubt result in further criticism of the United States community police state overseas. The President, who was dubbed Darth Goober by millions of protestors in the free world, was almost unable to return home from his failed European campaign swing when death penalty opponents threw themselves into the engines of Air Force One. 

Bush was extremely disappointed that Europe had “no real national elections where people from states like Belgium, Luxembourg, Italy, and the Bohunks could rally around a real leader, such as we have in the Americas.” 

Although Bush and Perry (who is rumored to be the defective offspring of former Chicago Bear standout Richard “Refrigerator" Perry) claim that Texas has not put anyone to sleep who was mentally disabled, supporters of the failed legislation say that 46 inmates with IQs of 50 or below have had their genitals hacked off and bled to death since February of this year. 

People with IQs that low are generally considered mental cripples, although many do become elected officials, or voters. 

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Posted Saturday, June 16, 2001 


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