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This is among the best of the worst of the early stories about the eradication of Nazis in the western hemisphere. Obviously, it was wishful thinking, considering how fucking ugly and dumb Amerika remains.

Nazi Season Reopens In Paraguay

Dr. Faustroll
All The News To Give You Fits
The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge, and Laundromat
June 5, 2001 7:16 PM

ASUNCION, Paraguay (YU) – Nazi season opened today for the first time in more than fifteen years, when Nazis were placed on the Endangered Ideologies List by the Paraguayan Economic Development Commission (PEDC) due to loss of habitat and over-hunting by Israeli trophy seekers.

In 1983, the Paraguayan National Parks Art set aside nearly one quarter million acres of this quaint central American paradise for conservation – including most of the Chaco region and the city of Asuncion, where nearly all of the world’s 12,000 Nazis were known to live.

A bill sponsored by then-President Alberto Stroessner to have Nazis afforded special protection passed the Paraguayan Bundt in 1986. It outlawed the killing of Nazis and made it illegal to disturb their nesting areas or harass mating pairs.

The program has proven so successful that political scientists now believe there are more Nazis on Earth than at any time since 1939, with nearly two million known to be living in the United States disguised as moderate Republicans.

Such success has not been without drawbacks, and the burgeoning Nazi populations in Central America are beginning to overwhelm the native human population in the competition for food and housing.

As a result, Paraguay has once again decriminalized the possession of Nazi body parts, begun selling licenses, and instituted a lottery for unit tags, which entitle the lucky holders to stalk the wily Nazis with bow or shotgun. 

The daily bag limit is two bucks between 62 and 70 inches in length, with a possession limit of eight. A special hunt for does has been approved but no date has been set.

If these hunts are successful in controlling the Nazis here, similar hunts will be encouraged in Colombia, Mexico, and the United States, where Nazis have nearly wiped out the moral inhabitants. 

Copyright © 2001 Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates. All rights reserved. The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat, a leisure service of the Church of the Oven of Peace, provides imaginary solutions to your imaginary problems. Leading the blind since 1896.

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